2009 in retrospect

But a few days remain for the year 2009; a year never to be lived nor experienced again. Every year I learn more and more about life, about myself, about what really matters amidst the craziness from day to day. I have more of a grasp now more than ever on who I am and what I want out of life, but feel as though I only live up to that a mere fraction of the time. I realize more and more how crazy life really is, how many variables come our way and how there is really no way to plan out your life. All you really have control over is who you decide to be and be that person no matter where life takes you. I used to think I could figure it out--plan it like a good book. The problem I encountered was that I wasn't the only author to my story, and I couldn't control what other people wrote. All I could do was respond.


I've planned many things in my life, many of which have born fruit, and many more which have crumbled beneath a shoddy foundation of poor motivations. But I learned so much from all that and continue to learn from the things and the people that are part of my life. The good thing is that I like who I am becoming and am excited about the mystery of life ahead of me. God has shown me that even the things I think impossible for my life are some of the very things in store for me. Life to the Full is easy to say, much more difficult to live; but I will continue to strive after a full life despite the roadblocks and insufficiencies of myself.