More than a winter wonderland...

I stand in the cold and my breath escapes me; not only from the thinness of the air and the freezing wind in my face, but more so from the amazing beauty that surrounds me. Snow covered mountains tower into the frozen skies as I stare in amazement of God's creation. I am in a place like I have never been before, surrounded by wonders I had only dreamed of in the past, and surrounded by incredible people whose very words bring a smile to my face and encourage even the last bits of worry out of my life. To be surrounded by genuine people who care about me and are more real than most in this world is a gift too great for my deserving. To sing out to God morning and night in worship and see His glory all around me brings tears my eyes and rest to my wearied soul. While I am nothing more than a speck of dust in a universe far too vast for my mind to comprehend, the God who created it all reaches down and places me here, now, with these people, and I am overcome by the thought. And while troubles were to be had, and sleep was a luxury I could not afford, I could think of no better way to spend these days surrounded by beauty, surrounded by love, and with a peace in my heart that I would never trade.

The year of Shaun

Psalm 50:15 "Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory."

Last year was the hardest, most ridiculous, and best year of my life. I had known there were things that were killing me inside but I didn’t want to confront them. Besides, I had gotten this far in life and seemed to be doing okay. But there was problem; I wasn’t all right. Slowly, over the years, I was dying. I felt less and less free and my heart became less and less alive. No matter what I did in life it didn’t help the emptiness I knew was there. Adventure after adventure added to my possession memories that would last a lifetime, but filled the emptiness for but a few brief moments at a time—nothing that would ever last. Yet I kept pushing through and progressing in “life” just thinking that soon my whole world would change and everything would be different, everything would be better. But the problem with that whole scenario is that I was doing nothing that would lead to such changes. Twenty four years and the pain kept building and building so much that it was getting harder to hide it from the world. I kept trying to fix the broken pieces by gluing them together with temporary solutions, and everything would fall apart once more. I knew that something drastic needed to happen. Something bigger than myself, something I wasn’t ready for. And so I cried out to God to fix whatever it was that was wrong, to do anything to make it better. And so my prayers were answered, in a way I never imagined, and at the time in a way that I would never have wished on myself. In a moment my heart was exposed, and everything that I had hid away in it surfaced. My whole world was rocked and everything I believed in and hoped for was instantly challenged. At the time I thought I had been defeated, but in reality I had been rescued, and was being brought into a life that was fuller than I could have ever imagined. When I was left stripped of everything I had tried to hold on to, I had only one hope, that God would turn it all around for good. Not only did that happen, but I realized that what I viewed as death at the time was actually one of the greatest gifts I had ever received.

How do you change a man, the way he thinks, the way he acts, the things he believes about himself? You break him down to nothing, and when he has nothing left, you build him back up the way he was created to be. You surround him with so much love he can’t help but to question the lies and doubts ingrained into his soul over the many years. From a broken pile of pain and doubts, God began to teach me about what really matters in life, about who I really was, and that He truly was there to catch my fall. Finding peace and comfort in pain is an experience unlike any other. To be broken and humbled before God is such an incredible feeling that makes it all worth it. And so my life today is a world away from my life a year ago. The year of Shaun has ended, and a new year begins. Living a different life and on a different path, only God knows where I’ll end up.

THE FULL LIFE

I have been a broken man for many years, never knowing it

I have spent a lifetime chasing after the wrong things for happiness, and had never caught it

I have lived with the fear and doubt from many lies engrained into my soul

I have been lost behind a cloud of anger and frustration so thick I could not see

I have been stripped of everything I thought I had, and believed I was left for dead

I have cried out to the God of the heavens and have been answered with a mighty roar

I have been surrounded by a love so great it broke down every last part of me

I have been brought to tears from indescribable joy

I have felt the peace that transcends all understanding

I have seen the impossible work of God in my life

I have been part of something so incredible I hardly believed it was happening

I have been blessed beyond anything I have ever deserved

I have lived the full life

Dashing through the snow

As Ryan and Davin picked up the thick sheet of ice from the top of the bear locker, a mischievous grin emerged from their faces. What someone else would see as just a slab of ice, they saw as an opportunity to live the full life, to embrace an ordinary circumstance and make it extraordinary. I'm not quite sure how we think of the things we think about, but we always come up with ideas to make life more interesting, for us and for those around us. I wasn't quite sure what to expect as I ran towards what seemed like an impenetrable icy barricade, but I knew we had a camera at hand and a chance to create a memory that would last through the years. As we rammed our bodies through the walls of ice and tumbled onto the snow beneath, there was a sense that life was now a little fuller than a few seconds ago, and the day had just begun.